Nine Days In...

Nine days in and I have strep throat, okay so maybe they aren't kidding. Maybe those doctors with their unflattering lab coats are right, so I have a compromised immune system. Fine, so then what do I do? I already have a pharmacy with a drive-thru, a doctor with 24 hour on call pharmacy, a monthly appointment for a transfusion. What else do I do?

I think I am cutting back to one job, if I really let myself think about the truth- the church isn't really making it. I am a failure. How do I wear that? How do I balance that with God's call to bring good news to the people. Can you be a failure in the fulfillment of God's call? Can you break a church? I think my joy and job is to help them find what they need from God's guidance and the church.

How then do I know if I have failed? How can I have a servant's heart and find a different way to serve? What happens when our income changes?

When you are my age and in my profession, you are called on for answers. Where is God in the midst of this mess? How can God be good, if... ? Is there a God? How can you be sure? No matter what I have always been sure. Sometimes I am called on for answers to impossible questions. I have had the difficulty of being too busy, and more recently of being too sick and then too quiet, but what if I am too worried about making the bills? How then to let go? How then to do the best thing with grace and even joy? So many question and only I am asking...